Independence, Burnout, and Kiki's Delivery Service
In my quest of watching every single studio Ghibli movie, a resolution that has continued into 2024, I have discovered quite a few hidden gems. So far I’ve seen Spirited Away, Ponyo, Arrietty and Howl’s Moving Castle. And, of course, Whisper of the Heart, which I talk about in my first post on this blog. However, none were quite as charming to me as Kiki’s Delivery Service, a story about a young girl flying off into the world to be independent and find herself.
The movie starts out
with Kiki eagerly listening to the radio, and getting excited when it’s
announced tonight will be a full moon – she’s always wanted to fly away during
a full moon, and she believes that tonight will be the night. The best part of
the beginning is when Kiki is perched on her flying broom, friends and family
waiting eagerly around her as the atmosphere goes silent, tension rising. They
way her hair rises like it’s got static electricity, huge grin on her face, and
then later she shoots off into the sky and crashes into a tree – that first
flying scene was more than enough to endear me to her character.
Look at that mischievous smile (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
Kiki leaving her family behind reminded me a lot of me
leaving my family to go to med school. No tearful goodbyes, only good luck
wishes for a brand-new adventure, and a promise to come visit soon and write
often. Kiki’s dad letting her take his radio with her, even though he loves it,
reminded me of how I took my dad’s guitar with me, being probably his prized
possession. I hope he’s happy I’m playing it.
Kiki flies for the whole night, looking for a good place to
call home. She’s already got one in mind – a town beside the sea, because she’s
never seen the ocean before. I will admit, Kiki and I have the same taste when
it comes to places to stay. There’s something that sounds so tantalizing to me
about a quaint town by the seaside - I watched Mama Mia once and since then
I’ve been dreaming of a Mediterranean beach getaway. In fact, when applying for
medical school, I’d secretly search for the nearest beaches to the university I
was applying for. I remember clearly the one I found near the University of
Galway – only five minutes away from the ocean, too cold to swim in, yes, but
that’s not the point of living by the sea. You live by the sea purely for the vibes,
and also for the fresh prawns and to collect seashells and look for dolphins
and mermaids. But mostly the vibes. The sound of the ocean waves, the
birds chirping, the trees waving in the breeze, the soft sand underneath your
feet… Kiki eventually finds her dream town. And this is where the movie broke
my heart, just a little bit.
See, in real life, I never got to go live at my dream
seaside town, like Kiki does.
Getting that offer from the University of Galway was a dream
come true. I was in love with Galway, with the scenery, with the university,
the life I had dreamt of for so long finally within my grasp. So, writing that
email back to them, two weeks later when the deadline to reply had finally
dawned, that I wouldn’t be able to accept their offer, broke me. Simply put, we
didn’t have the funds for it, and scholarships for medicine overseas are
notoriously difficult to get. Bittersweet, I watched as Kiki explored the town
she’d chosen, reminded of a life I could have had.
Look at this and tell me you wouldn't want to live here too
Eventually, Kiki stumbles upon her dream town, called
Koriko, and though it seems less receptive to witches than she’d like, she
decides to stay. Eventually, she meets a couple running a bakery and expecting
their first child, and they offer her a spare room in their attic. In return,
she offers to help out in the bakery as well as run her own business – a
delivery service, using her flying abilities to ferry items across Koriko.
Honestly, I’d watch ten whole hours of this kid’s misadventures as she goes around
the island delivering things. She’s such a fun and entertaining character, who
doesn’t at all come across as annoying or childish, as many characters with her
personality tend to do. I especially like her black cat, Jiji, and his
sarcastic comments on whatever she’s doing. He acts as a nice foil to her
optimism.
Kiki living by herself in the attic, cooking her own meals,
managing her own money – it’s all very reminiscent of how I’m living now, except
I’d argue she has better living conditions than I do. I’m sitting here in my
cramped room, barely enough space on my desk for my laptop between the open
textbooks, empty mugs, full kettle and pink and purple colour pencils that I
need for my crazily complicated histology drawings. She has a whole stove up
there! Meanwhile, my air-conditioning unit has remained stubbornly unusable
ever since I moved in. I can only hope my living arrangements during my second
year will be as nice as hers, though I doubt I’ll ever get a landlady as
considerate and friendly as Osono.
The first half of Kiki’s Delivery service, her leaving her
family behind, landing in the town of her dreams, struggling to get her
business venture on its feet and dealing with the unexpected shenanigans along
the way – that’s the best part of the movie for me. Many Studio Ghibli
protagonists often live the kind of life I’ve always wanted to live, and Kiki
exemplifies that most of all.
The level of detail in these movies always wows me
I’ve always wanted to live alone. It’s something I can’t
really explain if you question me on it, I just like my own company better
sometimes. Of course, it doesn't mean I want complete isolation from the world
– I still call my mom almost every single day and speak to my family, just like
how Kiki writes back to her parents often. Going to medical school and getting
a room to myself was truly the biggest blessing I could have asked for – I’ve
been able to live out this desire of mine, and so far? I’m really liking it,
for a reason I can’t really explain. Maybe it’s because I can put on whatever
music I’m in the mood for when I’m cleaning my room or folding my clothes (and
not have to worry about my family’s ears bleeding when I want to listen to some
rock). Maybe it’s because I can decorate however I like, which has resulted in
way too many posters and pictures and drawings and notes going up on the wall
above my desk and above my bed. Maybe it’s because I can finally enjoy the
sound of my own silence, gazing out at the birds chirping on the tree outside
my window, steaming cup of tea in hand. There’s a peace I have now that I’m
living alone, one that I find I’ve been craving for a long time.
I know it’s not going to work out in the long run – I most
definitely can’t afford to not have roommates when I move out of the
hostel. And it’s not like rental prices will be any cheaper when I start
earning my own money. Plus, if what my seniors say about how hectic my
Housemanship training is going to be, I most definitely cannot expect to find
the time to relax in my own room doing anything other than sleeping. I can’t
expect to live a slow life in a small town, when I’ve chosen a fast-paced
career notorious for the lack of personal time. Still, that doesn’t stop me
from enjoying these moments of the simple life I see scattered so often in
these movies, the simple act of flipping pancakes on a Sunday morning, hanging
your clothes out to dry in the sun, washing the floor, menial things that
somehow seem so magical when you do them on your own terms, in your own time.
I can’t believe I just said I like washing the bathroom.
Mom, I hope you’re proud of me.
Channeling my inner Kiki every time it's wash day
The latter half of the movie deals with Kiki going through a
period of burnout, as one disaster leads to another, and her homesickness leads
her to fall into a depression as well as get sick. It’s an important aspect of
the movie, one that reminds me to not fall into the trap of thinking life is
just sunshine and rainbows. Even recently, I’ve been demotivated in my
day-to-day life due to a bout of homesickness, only pressing on for the sake of
sticking to my routine. This is going to be a fast-paced journey for all of us
– like it or not, we need to learn how to keep up and take care of our physical
and mental health. Both are hard when you’re living by yourself, and no one is
there to judge you for staying in your pyjamas all day or taking a two-hour
midday “nap” because your brain can’t shove any more information inside it.
Kiki loses her magic as a result of this lack of motivation – she can’t fly her
broom anymore, she stops being able to communicate with her pet cat, and
becomes anxious and filled with self-doubt. It’s here that Ursula, a character
we met earlier in the film, gives some of this movie’s most well-known advice.
Sometimes things in life that used to be fun become tedious
when you decide to do it for a career. For Kiki, it’s flying, and for me, it’s
Medicine. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning so many new things, but once it’s
no longer extra reading and YouTube videos to add on to my knowledge, and
instead tests and exams and fast-approaching deadlines, learning becomes
synonymous with getting a migraine at 8am in the morning. I can’t afford to
take Ursula’s advice, and just altogether stop doing my work and enjoy life
until my motivation comes back.
Instead, I like the story Ursula tells Kiki later in the
night, about finding her inspiration, her spirit. That’s what I look for in
moments of doubt. I have diary entries from 2017, written to my future self,
asking her how Med School is like and if she’s still short. I have a mannequin
on my desk with removable organs, a gift from when I turned ten. All the way
back to primary school, one of my teachers told me that if she ever pricked my
finger, the blood would come out and spell “DOCTOR” on my skin. In my times of
weakness, I remind myself who I am doing this for – not for my parents, for my
teachers, but for that little girl who looked into a medical textbook, drawings
of organs and cells she could not comprehend, and had a spark of fire light
inside her heart.
The darkest period of my life was back in 2023, those few
months between the end of my A-levels and the start of med school. For the
first time in my life, I had no foreseeable future. All my offer letters were
either from schools I couldn’t afford or had scholarships I wasn’t eligible
for. So much of my memories from that time were just me standing at the train
platform, or waiting for the bus under the hot sun, staring off into space as I
prayed and prayed for some miracle to happen. I would show up to work with
swollen eyes, and I had to lie to my coworkers about having an eye infection,
so they didn’t suspect that I was crying myself to sleep at night. In short, I was depressed.
I had a job working as an assistant teacher in a
kindergarten for a few weeks during that time, and nothing quite makes you
forget your worries like a bunch of five-year olds running towards you and
yelling good morning and asking you what your favourite dinosaur is (Parasaurolophus,
for those curious). When I woke up the next morning, it was because I was
seeing those kids again soon, and they’d be sad if Ms. Alicia suddenly didn’t
come to class again. The only reason I got that job in the first place was
because the school was run by my church members, who had trusted me enough to
give me the position.
In every bus ride, every train stop, every moment of my walk
to and from work, God was with me, holding my hand. Every time I’d refresh my
email, phone burning hot in my hand because I’d been doing the same action for
the past thirty minutes, He was peering over my shoulder, comforting me when I
finally gave up out of frustration. I was half-prepared to just take a business
degree, throwing away a childhood dream that just didn’t seem like it would be
a reality. One disappointing email reply after another, from this bank and that
student foundation and this university’s scholarship department, and then
suddenly, an offer from one university. And a way for me to apply for a loan.
And suddenly, within a week, I had a future again. And then things just kept going
– people came to visit me with gifts, brand-new textbooks, offers of help to
buy additional items I needed, financial blessings from people who were
complete strangers to me – all these things happened to me, and it was like God
was telling me, you didn’t give up, and see where you are. See how many
people have supported you, see how much I love you.
As much as I like to complain about how difficult it is,
right now I’m living the dream. Room to myself, passionate lecturers, and a
future I once thought was impossible. And freedom. I didn’t think that would be
so important, but it turns out that it’s what I’ve wanted most of all. Freedom
from the worries that plagued me so vividly during that period of my life,
freedom to be independent and live the kind of life I’d always dreamed of,
freedom to have my own space but keep my family and friends close. Freedom to
wake up to a brand new day, dreaming of a time when I too get my little town my
the sea and magical broom that can fly.
Ok, before I sign off, I have to admit – what is in
these Studio Ghibli movies? I sit down to write about how cute and sweet this
movie is, and then write about the most depressing period of my life?? Next
time I do a movie review, I am NOT going to be talking about one of them.
Something cooler, like the Lego Ninjago Movie. Or the Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtle series. Or Megamind. Have any of you guys seen the trailer for Megamind
2 yet? If you haven’t, don’t. It’s not worth it. Jedi mind-trick voice:
There is only one Megamind movie, just like there are only three Shrek movies.
Shrek the Third does not exist in this timeline.
Bye bye! Thanks for reading <3
Yours,
Joy :)
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